by Sara 

Who, What, When, Where, How and Why

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John Maynard reporting.

Hi everyone, and a big Western howdy to you. Especially to those who took the time to write in to let me know this posting is a blight to all blogs. Thanks, but I already knew that.

When we last met, I was promoting my party/dance band (The Turdles) playing on Valentine?s at the Swedish Club. Stellar turn-out that night, about 140. Many Magnolians showed up. The night really did light up with a positive vibe. We randomly gave everyone name tags of famous couples, like Popeye & Olive Oil, Ward & June?. The object was to find out who you paired up with and dance. Worked really well. So if you were there, thanks a bunch.

Now, onto business: there are a couple of streets in the hood that will put the hurt big-time on your shocks. One is that fly-over deal that takes you over 15th to the Ballard Bridge. Who paved that?!? I?m thinking Les Schwab, to drum up some more business. Or maybe it?s an homage to the Oregon Trail. It?s brand new, but those concrete boys must have stayed way too late at The Gim. B-b-b-b-b-bumpy.

Another street that at least has an excuse is Barrett, in front of Our Lady of Fatima. You get two shock-busters in one block. One of them is because of Wolf Creek. It used to meander creek-like down to the bay, but now runs underground through a pipe, raising the road and bouncing your Buick. It continues under the playfield, runs almost directly beneath the men?s shirt section at Le Roux, burbling below the unsupervised post office (callback for devout readers) and all the way down 32nd to its outlet in the bay. It kind of reminds me of a gigantic vein that just leaks into the surf. Anyway, that?s all a part of Magnolia lore, and I?m a big fan of lore.

DOUBLE PARKING AT THE UNSUPERVISED POST OFFICE

Many normally law abiding Magnolians apparently believe it?s just fine to double park while they run in to drop off a letter. DON?T DO THIS ANYMORE. It confuses motorists. They can’t figure out how to just drive around. They are the same ones who sit and wave you through an intersection until three weeks from Sunday…and it just doesn’t dawn on them…they can just drive around.

It’s the same thing when you roll down the window and stop your car to say hello to a neighbor. The motorist behind you ? even if there is plenty or room ? will be confused and just sit looking unhappy. Because why? Say it: Magnolians are incapable of…driving around. The Post Office included. And besides, if a supervisor is on duty, you cannot buy a stamp.

Now if I may go serious on y?all for a moment, I?d like to say Magnolia Patrol is on task and you?ll be hearing more good news soon. A positive step in holding burglarizing cretins (polite term) at bay.

So, there?s my two cents. Go ahead and fire in your complaints.

Warm regards,

Cub reporter John Maynard

About the author 

Sara

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